The Truth Hurts
by voicelikeabell
Summary: Hiei realizes that he is in love with Kurama, but is afraid to tell him, because of the horrible life he has led. This fic is about falling in love and losing it all before it even starts. Shounen ai HK COMPLETE!
1. The truth hurts

My first ever shounen ai fic, with my first ever favorite shounen ai couple, Hiei/Kurama! Go easy on me, and enjoy! Oh, also, this fic is set somewhere between the ending of the Dark Tournament and the Black Saga.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakasho, and probably never will_…((Cries))_ This fanfic is shounen ai, meaning male/male pairing! Don't read if you don't like!

'_This is thinking.' _

"This is talking."

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**Chapter 1**  
The Truth Hurts 

Against the glowing orb that was the moon, a silhouette stood. But as quickly as he had come, he was gone. Hiei jumped from roof top to roof top, making his way towards the city's park. He had never had a true home of his own, so he took residence in whatever tree that happened to suit his few needs; a place to think, and to sleep.

He leaned back against the trunk of one of his favorite resting spots, a cherry tree. He sighed and breathed in its heavenly scent. The scent that reminded him so much of his best friend.

Kurama. _'Hn. That stupid fox…' _ The Ankoko Bujutsukai was finally over. They had finally beaten Toguro. After they had won, Koenma gave them all a well deserved vacation. Before Hiei had left, Kurama stopped him with a question.

He had asked if he would like to come live with him for a while, at his house. They had both fought hard battles, and they were both still very weak. Staying with Kurama would have been the safe thing to do, rather than trying to survive, alone, in the Makai.

He had hastily declined his offer, and left to sort out thoughts that had been haunting his mind since the tournament had begun. Hiei was starting to feel emotions that he had never known before, and they were confusing him.

Every time he and his team had to go up against another, he felt odd. When he saw Kurama fighting, time seemed to stand still. The roar of the disgruntled crowd was drowned out, and all he could hear was the pounding of his nervous heart. Kurama had risked his life so many times in those few days. The thought that he had almost loss his fox had taken a toll on his feelings. _'Wait a minute..._my_ fox? Where did THAT come from? Why do I keep acting like that dumb kitsune is mine? Why do I even _care_ what happens to him?'_

During Kurama's fight with Karasu, Hiei had been most afraid. Youko Kurama, the infamous Makai thief, who never showed fear, had been afraid that day. Even though he could mask his emotions well, Hiei could see the look of fear in his emerald eyes. That had scared him. Kurama knew he couldn't beat Karasu. He had barely escaped with his life during that fight. As soon as Karasu was on the ground, dead, relief swept over him. Kurama was alive. His fox was safe.

'_There I go again with the 'my fox' thing again. What's wrong with me!'_ Hiei thought irritably as he pushed a lock of his ebony hair out of his face. _'Why do I care about him so much? Why does he have this hold on me, that I cannot control? Why can't I stop thinking about him!'_ Hiei sighed, and looked out at the moon again. Even though the sky was dark, he could still see rain clouds forming, hiding the only light he had.

Hiei sighed, and hugged his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. _'Is...is it possible that I am in love with him? Can these unknown emotions be that feeling that Ningens call love?__No…that's impossible! Love is just some stupid human weakness….and I will **not** be a part of it!_

'_But is that what it is? Is love the reason why I feel so nervous around him? Why it feels like I have butterflies in my stomach when I hear his voice? Why I'm still in the Ningenkai, so I can be near him? No….that cannot be it. For years I have hidden my feeling behind a barrier caused by all the hate, fear and rejection I have felt my whole life.'_

Hiei smirked slightly. Its amazing how one person can knock down the wall that has hidden me for so many years. Hiei hated to admit it, but he was becoming more like a human every time he was here. When he accompanied Yusuke and the others when they 'hung out' together. He had even started to like some of their foods. Especially sweet snow. Yes, he was _very_ fond of that cold, sugary treat. And it was all Kurama's doing. _He_ was the one who had convinced him to join them all those summer afternoons… And _he_ was the first friend he had ever known. The first one to ever care whether he was around or not. The first one to show him what it was like to have fun…The first one to steal his heart away……..

He could deny it no longer. It was true. He was in love with Kurama. He had fallen fast and hard for that clever fox. Hiei smiled; it felt good to finally admit it. Now, the only question was if he should tell him. Hiei sat up straight, eyes wide and scared.

'_Kurama...should I tell him? How would I tell him?...what if he doesn't love me back?'_ Hiei's stomach lurched at that thought. Even thinking about that made him depressed. _'I don't think I can stand to have my heart broken one more time…..it would kill me….' _he sighed, and shook his head exasperated. What should he do? What is that phrase Yusuke was always saying? "You can only live life once, so enjoy it while you can". _'Hn. Who ever thought I be quoting Yusuke at a time like this?'_

'…_.I'm gonna tell him!' _He finally decided. _'Who knows? He might feel the same way!'_

Hiei jumped down from the branch, and gracefully landed on the ground. He felt something wet drop fall onto his head. He looked up and saw that it was drizzling. Oh well, a little rain never hurt any one. He flitted off, moving quicker than the eye could see, jumping from tree to tree, making his way to his first loves house.

The rain was starting to come down harder, soaking him to the bone. When he reached Kurama's house he sat in his tree, and looked into the window. Kurama sat at his desk, probably doing home work. Hiei smiled, just the sight of him made him feel warmer.

'_Kurama is so beautiful….'_ He thought. He loved they way his crimson hair fell out around him, and how it swayed in the breeze. He loved how his flawless skin showed the true beauty of his face, how he seemed to light up even the darkest room. And how his emerald eyes sparkled in the light, and made you melt inside. As Hiei gazed at Kurama, something occurred to him; how could some one as perfect as Kurama love some one like him? He wasn't exactly the most lovable person. He was normally cold, and rarely talked. And when he did it was usually a snide remark or an insult.

He wasn't very social, and he had murdered many, human and demon alike. His hands and been soaked with the blood of innocent people. And he had been scared forever with the horrible deeds he had done through out his short life. How could someone love him? He had been called many things through out the years. A monster. A heartless killer. An emotionless loner who cared for nothing and no one. How could anyone possibly love _him?_

Hiei clenched his teeth, and let out an angry growl. What was he _doing_ here? This was a waste of time! Even thinking that Kurama might consider him as more than a friend was stupid! He cursed him self. For his ignorance. For his stupidity. For falling in love in the first place. Hiei looked into the window again, looking for the cause for all the pain he was feeling. Kurama had stopped working on his home work, and had climbed into his bed, reading a book.

Hiei stared at him, his ruby eyes ablaze with love, sorrow, and hatred. Kurama couldn't love him. Kurama would never even think of loving him. To him, he was nothing. The truth hurt. It felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest with his own sword. Hiei wrapped his sopping wet cape around him, and jumped off into the night, the rain masking his tears.


	2. Don't you understand?

Well, I finally decided to write another chapter. Sorry it took so long! I've had a_ lot_ of home work lately, and I have like no free time, so these chapters, for all of my fics, will becoming like maybe every weekend or every other weekend. Thanks so much for reviewing! They mean a lot to me! I hope I don't disappoint any of you!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hiei or Kurama…but I _do_ own a cute little duckie named Phil who brings me all my e-mails!

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**Chapter 2**  
Don't You Understand? 

The raging wind howled and shook the tree's outside, causing some to loose a few of their weaker branches. In the distance thunder could be heard, and with a loud CRACK, a streak of lightning lit up the sky. Kurama lifted his crimson head at the sound. Realizing it was only the storm, he sighed and returned to his math homework. He shuttered as the tree branches scraped against his bed room window. _'Boy, I'd hate to be out on a night like this..'_ he thought, turning to look out at the storm. Once again, the lightning crashed, and for a moment, Kurama thought he saw two intense ruby eyes staring back at him. _'Hiei?'_

He blinked, and they were gone. Aggravated, he shut his text book, and threw it to the side. "This is ridicules…I can't concentrate.." he muttered, lifting him self from his desk, and walked over to his bed. He climbed in, and turned on his reading light. He picked up his book so he could read for a while, but he thought better of it, and turned off his light, waiting for sleep to claim him.

He turned on his side, so he could look out his window. He stared at it expectantly, waiting, no..._Hoping _to see the lithe form of his friend knocking to be let in. Whenever it rained, or the weather was cold, Hiei came to spend the night with him. _'Hiei…'_ the short, fiery demon that Kurama was lucky enough to call his team mate, ally, and best friend. Hiei, the arrogant, sword wielding Jaganshi who was feared and hated by many. Hiei, the one person who was able to make Yoko Kurama, the infamous Makai thief, fall head over heels in love. Yes, Kurama was in love with him. From the moment the two of them met, he knew he liked him.

At first, he was perfectly content with being Hiei's friend, but over time he had grown to love the little demon so much that it hurt. Everyone seemed to notice the change in Kurama; his mother and friends were very concerned. Shiori Minamino was constantly asking her son how he felt. Lately he had been eating less. He drifted in and out of day dreams, not really noticing what was going on around him. He stared off in to the distance, a far away look in his eyes.

Kurama didn't mean to worry his mother, but he couldn't help how he was feeling. He couldn't talk to any one either, because no one would understand. He could picture talking to his mother about Hiei and his love for him; "Hello mother! Yes, I'm fine, I'm just in love with my best friend, who just so happens to also be a guy! Have I mentioned that I am a fox spirit whose real name is Yoko Kurama, and I work for a royal baby named Koenma with my friends Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei? Yes, you've met Hiei before. He is the little boy you found talking to me in my room the other day! No mom, I'm not gay, I just believe that me and Hiei are soul mates, and we belong together." Kurama laughed slightly at this thought. He felt guilty about lying to his mom all the time….but he just couldn't tell her…not yet, at least.

A single tear slid down Kurama's face as he lay there. Ever since the Ankoko Bujutsukai ended, Kurama had felt miserable. He had made a horrible mistake that week, and he couldn't forget about it. After they beat Toguro, they were all hurt pretty badly. Before he had a chance to Leave, Kurama asked Hiei if he would like to stay with him for a while, instead of going back to the Makai in such a vulnerable state. Hiei had hastily declined the offer, and left with out so much as a good bye. And none of them had seen him since.

He had scared him away. He had hoped so much that Hiei would come with him…he was so worried about all the wounds he had received while fighting Bui. If they were never treated properly, Hiei could be in serious trouble! Kurama couldn't bare the thought of Hiei being outside in this storm. Cold. Alone. Wounded. The tears came faster.

It would be his entire fault if Hiei died because his injuries were never treated. Why had he made that request? Why? Hiei never liked being around people for long periods of time. Had he seriously thought that he would consider living with him in the Ningenkai? Hiei hated ningens!

He hated the fact that Kurama was living with one, _as_ one. He always criticized him, saying that living with these humans had made him weak. Hiei hated the weak.

Kurama tried to stifle his sobbing with his pillow, as not to wake his mother up. _'Is that it Hiei? You hate me? You hate me because you think living with these humans has made me weak and vulnerable? Is that why you haven't come back? You…hate me?' _Kurama gave up trying to suppress his tears. They flowed freely now, causing his face to shine in the light of the pale moon that could now be seen. _'Hiei….don't you understand how I feel about you? All the signs I've sent out? I know you've noticed them…..You've been looking at me differently lately. I've caught you staring at me several times. But each time your scarlet eyes show not the feelings of some one who is in love. No. you emotionless eyes show that you are angry. Confused. Afraid? Are you afraid to find out what it means to be happy? Don't you want to fall in love? Hiei…cant you see?...I love you'_

He couldn't take this. Living every day in misery, knowing you can't have the one thing you want more than any thing in the world. Knowing you are in love, but they are too dense to realize it.

Whoever said being in love was easy, lied. Being in love is hard. Sometimes, if you are fortunate enough, you fall in love with someone who returns your feelings. Other times, you find your self hopelessly devoted to some one who couldn't care less whether you lived or died.

Kurama sat up, and rubbed his eyes. "Hiei doesn't love me.." he whispered sadly. The truth hurts. _'Hiei doesn't love me.'_ his world was crashing to a halt. _'Hiei doesn't love me.' _Time seemed to stand still._ 'Hiei doesn't love me…..and there is nothing I can do to change that….'_

With out getting dressed, Kurama slipped on his jacket, and a pair of shoes. He quietly walked down stairs, and out the front door. _'I can't think straight….I need to breathe….'_ Ignoring the fact that it was still raining pretty hard, Kurama shoved his hands in his pockets, and walked down the street, his heart searching for a way to forget the one thing that could cause him to feel so many things at once.

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Next chapter coming soon! I hope you're all enjoying this!

-misery loves me


	3. If only he knew

I won't waste your time with use less note like thingy's at the top of my story, so here is the next installment of my story. Thanks so much for all the reviews! I'M LOVIN THEM!

**Disclaimer:** Yeah…..I still don't own it.

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**Chapter 3**  
If Only He Knew 

The rain was still pouring pretty hard as Kurama walked through his neighborhood, heading know where in particular. The cold didn't faze him at all; he just pulled his coat farther around him, and continued to stare out into the emptiness of the night. His feet soon brought him to the front gates of the city park. He peered into the glom, and took a few steps forward. It was pitch black, except for the occasional lightning that lit up the sky, though it was only for a moment.

He loved being out doors, it was the only place that reminded him of his past life as a Youko. It was cherry blossom season, and he loved to come here after school and sit under the trees. He'd sit and watch as the calm spring breeze blew the flowers from the branches, and gently let them fall to the ground. Sometimes Hiei would join him. He's sit up in the sturdy branches, and just relax. Usually, Hiei would never let his guard down, but when he sat in those trees, he'd seem at ease. Hiei would never admit it, but Kurama knew that even he could fine beauty in something as simple as a sakura tree.

'_Hiei…' _Kurama winced at the thought of the little fire demon. As he walked, the only thing he could think of was the fact that Hiei was never coming back. No more fights with Kuwabara. No more nightly visits for sweet snow. No more arrogant smirks of amusement. No more evenings under the cherry blossom trees.

After all the time Kurama had known Hiei, he had never once seen him smile. How he longed to see him smile…to finally see him happy. Hiei had not lived a very jovial life. He was rejected at birth, and was raised by a group of bandits. He was taught how to wield a sword, and mastered it at a young age. He had killed many in his short life, and for that he was hated and feared. A forbidden child. Unwanted. Unloved.

After all that he had gone through, Hiei had built a barrier around himself, as well as his heart. And he wasn't willing to let anyone inside, not even those who considered him their friend. Kurama thought that _he_ would be the one to break the barrier, and _he _would be the one to tell Hiei that he was loved. If Hiei only knew how much he loved him…he wanted to hold the smaller demon in his arms, and tell him that he'd never leave him. Never.

By now the torrential rain had become a light drizzle. Kurama's once beautiful crimson hair was soaked, and he was shivering uncontrollably. He was about to turn around and walk home, when something caught his eye. A couple yards away, a short figure sat on bench, hugging their knees to them.

'_What's a kid doing out here in this weather?' _he wondered. He squinted his eyes, trying to see what appeared to be a child. They were dressed in black, and its hair was….spiky? _'Is-is that Hiei!'_ Kurama was stunned, Hiei was still in the Ningenkai! The only question was, why? He's thought the Jaganshi would be long gone by now.

'_Hiei doesn't even seem to sense my ki...he never lets his guard down, what could be wrong with him?'_ He slowly walked to the bench and sat down next to him. Hiei still didn't notice he was there.

"Hello Hiei."

Hiei's head jerked up, and he jumped into an attack stance. Kurama smiled at him and laughed a little. Seeing it was only Kurama, Hiei calmed down a bit.

'_Wait a sec, what is Kurama doing outside in this weather?' _Hiei couldn't believe Kurama was here! He hoped so much that he would be able to him one last time. After he left Kurama's house he came to this park. He wanted to see the cherry tree's one last time before he left for the Makai, and never returned. As painful as it was, he decided that the best thing he could do was leave the Ningenkai, and leave the one he loved. Maybe then he would be able to forget him…forget how much he loved him…forget that he couldn't have him, and move on…

"Hn. Hello Kurama. What are you doing outside in this weather? Your human body will get sick." Hiei stated in his normal monotone voice. Kurama smiled a little. "Why Hiei, is that _concern_ in your voice?" Hiei didn't answer, but continued to stare at him. "I've had a lot on my mind lately, so I decided I needed some fresh air…"

"In a thunder storm?" Kurama sweat dropped. "Well...why are _you_ out here?" That's when Kurama looked noticed his eyes...they looked red. _'Well duh Kurama! They are ALWAYS red! But really, they do look sorta red, like he's been...crying? Hiei? Crying? Is that even possible? What would he cry about'_ "Hiei, your eyes look red, are you okay?"

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Kurama you nit wit, my eyes are _always _red!"

"No, I mean your eyes look red like you have been crying." Kurama quickly added, feeling foolish. "Is something wrong Hiei? I hope you know you can tell me anything, that's what friends do, they talk to each other." Kurama scooted closer to him.

Hiei couldn't hide his embarrassment. His face turned a light shad of red as Kurama's thigh brushed against his. Hiei felt a fluttering sensation in his chest; he had never been so close to Kurama, and he wouldn't deny that he liked it. This closeness. He suddenly had an urge to wrap his arms around him, but he stopped himself.

He could never show affection for Kurama. He deserved so much better than a forbidden child. That was even considering that Kurama might also like him, which he knew was impossible.

No one could love him. He wasn't even supposed to exist, that's why he had to leave. Now.

He stood up. "Nothing is wrong with me Kurama. Do not waste your time worrying about me." He was about to walk away, when he felt Kurama grab his arm. "Hiei..please don't leave. I can't help but worry about you, you're my friend, and I care about you." Hiei looked at his friend, and saw in his eyes that he was sincere.

'_I wish he would just talk to me!'_ Kurama cried out inside, _'If I can't have him as a lover, I want him as my friend. I want him to know he can trust me. If he only knew… how can I show him that I care?'_

Hiei just stared at him, his crimson eyes showing that he was trying to make a hard decision. Should he tell him? Should he spill his soul, and confess his undying love for him ? Two things could happen; Kurama could return his love, or he would reject him, and refuse to speak to him ever again. He really hoped it was the latter.

"Please Hiei, tell me, what's wrong?"


	4. Don't cry for me

Well, I think after this their will be _one_ more chapter. But don't worry! If you guys like how this ends, I'll write a sequel! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it!

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**Chapter 4**  
Don't cry for me 

Hiei stood up. "Nothing is wrong with me Kurama. Don't waste your time worrying about me." He was about to walk away, when he felt Kurama grab his arm. "Hiei…please don't leave. I can't help but worry about you, you're my friend, and I care about you."

Hiei looked at his friend, and saw in his eyes that he was sincere. 'I _wish he would just talk to me!'_ Kurama cried out inside. 'If _I can't have him as a lover, I want him as my friend. I want him to know he can trust me. If only he knew… how can I show him that I care?'_

Hiei just stared at him, his crimson eyes showing that he was trying to make a hard decision. Should he tell him? Should he spill his soul, and confess his undying love for him? Two things could happen; Kurama could return his love, or he would reject him, and refuse to speak to him ever again. He really hoped it was the latter.

"Please Hiei, tell me, what's wrong? I'm willing to listen if you're willing to tell." Kurama whispered.

Hiei stared down at him with eyes unblinking. Would he understand if he told him? With a sigh, he sat down on the wet bench. Kurama smiled weakly, but it faltered when he saw the solemn look on the others face.

The silence that hung in the air was dreadful. Kurama wished he would say something, _anything_. When Hiei finally spoke, his monotone voice held a bit of sadness within it.

"Kurama, do you know what it's like to be alone?"

"Well…yes Hiei, on occasion I do feel alo-"

"No, you don't understand. Have you ever gone to sleep at night knowing that if you never woke up, no one would care, or even notice?

"Or did you ever need someone to talk to, but you never had friends to listen? Have you ever woken up from a nightmare where you are reminded that your 'family' got rid of you because you were a mistake?"

Kurama shook his head. "No……"

"Well that's the story of my life."

Kurama was slightly angered by his friends' foul mood. "Don't act like you're the only one with problems in your life, because your not."

"Kurama, you cannot tell me that you have lived a hard life." Hiei said calmly. "You have friends, a family, and you are loved by all you meet."

"That's only partially true" Kurama said firmly. "16 years ago, I was SHOT by a hunter, and my soul escaped to this world. You may think I like it here but I don't. I feel……like a caged animal who is trying to escape. I miss running free through the forests in my true form. I miss the wind in my mane, and the thrill of a hunt. You are free to go where you want, while I am trapped here."

Hiei frowned. "Then leave Kurama...no one is forcing you to stay here."

"I have to Hiei, I have to take care of my mother." he responded.

"You're Mother! Why do you care about that human so much!" Hiei shouted "Humans are weak creatures, and they don't live long! Soon she will die, and when you do you will return to your true form, and become Youko Kurama once more! So why do you care for her like you do? It seems pointless to me!"

Tears pricked at Kurama's eyes as he heard this. "Leave my mother out of this Hiei! You're just jealous because your mother never loved you!"

He regretted what he said immediately. Hiei's red eyes hardened, and the once present smirk on his face was replaced with a frown. But it quickly faded to an angry scowl, and he turned away.

"H-Hiei…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that……please forgive me!" His voice cracked, and his eyes began to water. When Hiei didn't respond, Kurama sat back on the bench and let the tears come.

'_How could I have been so stupid?'_ he screamed in his head. _'Why did I say that? Now Hiei will never talk to me!'_

'_How could he say that to me?'_ Hiei wondered. His heart was pounding in short, painful beats. _'How could he……I thought……he was my……friend……'_

He turned to face Kurama, when he heard the other sobbing.

"Kurama…" the red head raised his head to face the fire demon. "Don't cry for me, when you know what you say is the truth."

"Hiei……I'm so sorry." With out warning, Kurama reached out and pulled Hiei into a hug. Hiei was shocked by the sudden sign of affection, and when he hugged him back.

Kurama was also surprised, but he returned the sweet gesture all the same. They stayed like that for a while, in each others arms. Hiei rested his head against Kurama's chest and closed his eyes.

"Kurama?" reluctantly, he pulled back from the embrace. "Yes Hiei?" Kurama questioned, opening his eyes sleepily.

"Kurama……can I ask you something?"

"Of course Hiei, what is it?" Kurama was wide awake now, and eager to help Hiei however he could.

"I-how…um……h-how do you know when your in l-love?" Hiei's voice was but a whisper as he said this. But Kurama's sensitive hearing heard him clearly.

'_What? Hiei……is Hiei in love with someone?'_ Kurama felt his heart sink. He was too late. Hiei was in love with someone already. '_Who could it be…? Well……I can't change who he loves……I might as well be a supportive friend and help him……'_

"Well Hiei…it depends, how do you feel?" he finally found his voice.

Hiei looked uneasy; he was looking down and fidgeting on his spot on the bench. "Well, when I see them, I feel...happy. I feel like I could do anything as long as I know they are behind me. I dunno if it's because I'm a fire demon or not, but when I here their voice my face feels all warm……"

Hiei stopped for a moment to see they look on Kurama's face. Kurama nodded, and urged him to continue. "But then……I am over ome with sadness, because I _know_ this person could never learn to love me…and I feel so weird. It hurts so much…right here."

Hiei brought his hand up to his chest and held it over where his heart was.

Kurama couldn't believe this. Hiei was in love…but with some one who didn't feel the same…just like him.

"Hiei…all I can do is tell you this; you are in love with this person. And…I understand how you feel."

Hiei tilted his head to the side, in a puzzled sort of way. "Hn?"

"I am also in love with a person who does not feel the same way." Hiei didn't think it was possible for him to feel worse then he did, but those words hurt him even more.

'_Kurama loves someone……?'_

"The only advice I can give you Hiei, is that even thought you don't think they like you back, you should tell them how you feel, because you never know." Kurama smiled slightly, "They might like you back."

Hiei nodded. Maybe he should tell him…just to get it off his chest. So he could forget. Yes. To forget him, and move on. No one deserved to live their life in pain, so why should he? Yes, he would tell him, and then he would leave…forever

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Tehe, well I did this all in an hour! Review if you like it. 

THANKS FOR ALLL THE REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! ((_Blows a kiss to all who reviewed))_

-misery loves me


	5. Three simple words

Oh wow, thanks for all the wonderful reviews! YOU GUYS ROCK! Hehe. Last chapter, hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** Nah, still don't own it lol.

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**Chapter 5**  
Three Simple Words 

(Hiei's P.O.V)

Hiei felt his heart beating like a drum in his chest. It was beating so hard and fast, he was actually afraid it would burst right from its place!

'_Oh Kurama, do you know what you do to me? Do you have any idea of the pain you cause me? You are the only one who can make me feel this way. The only one who can make me smile like a fool, and at the same time make me feel like I don't deserve to be alive. Why do you have this power over me? Ever since I was young, I wanted to be strong, to be the best I could be. But after I met you, I looked down at my self. I don't feel worthy to be in you presence…I don't feel worthy to be team mates, no, friends with a creature as beautiful as you…_

'_And you know you're beautiful. Your ningen body may not be as strong as your former Yoko, but it is still beautiful. Everything you do is beautiful……the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you fight, and your smile. Oh your smile…before I met you I didn't know such beauty could exist……and your eyes……no one will ever find an emerald that can match your eyes…_

'_As I said, I don't feel worthy. I don't feel worthy of your friendship, of your care, of your smile…I could never be good enough for you. For your love……_

'_Loving you is probably one of the worst, and best decisions I have ever made…I regret it. I regret it, but I also don't. Because of you I have finally learned what love is. But because of you, I also know the meaning of sadness… I love you Kurama. I really, truly do, and I probably never will get over you……and telling you how I feel, will just push you farther away. But something inside me is saying that I must. So I will. As soon as I find my voice……'_

"K-Kurama?" I finally whispered, fear consuming my heart

"Yes?" he turned to face me on the bench, his hair swinging behind him. I could feel my heart lighten when I saw the sweet, caring look on is face. I always hoped that when he smiled at me with that face, that he really _did_ care about me………but he uses that smile all the time, so it means nothing…

Its funny, how even thought I have fought countless enemies, survived brutal life threatening battles, and managed to keep up my façade, I can't say three simple words. I love you. Love…such a simple word, but with so much meaning. The use of the word can change a persons live in countless ways. It could make you the happiest person alive, or it could break you. Crush your spirits. Bring down every desire or hope you ever had to know the meaning happiness. Such power……for something so simple. Did I really want to use this word? Could I honestly say that this ache is my heart……Is love? I don't know, but I'm about to find out.

"Kurama…what is that Yusuke is always saying? 'What's life if you don't pull down your pants and slide on the ice?'"

Kurama laughed as I quoted the Spirit detective we have all come to know and love. Kurama laughing……music to my ears……

"I assume what that means is; what's life if you don't take chances? So even thought I'm risking a lot by saying this…I know I must."

Hiei's face suddenly became very serious. His deep red eyes showed all the sadness and longing he had been hiding all this time. 'W-what is he about tell me?' Kurama wondered, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Kurama, I love you."

(Kurama's P.O.V)

I could feel my heart stop. '_W-what? What did he just say?'_ Kurama wasn't sure if he heard him correctly. _'Did he just say……that he loved me?'_

Hiei looked at me, and when I looked back at him, I could see through his crimson depths, right to his soul. Those three simple words……he meant them. Those three words that I have longed to hear all this years……he said them! And he meant it. Hiei…Hiei loves me.

The fact didn't seem to register in my mind. As much as I wanted it, it was so hard to realize that my dream had come true. The man I have loved for longer than I can remember, loved me back. My heart rose in my chest, and felt as light as a feather. Butterflies seemed to flutter about in my whole body. But it wasn't a bad feeling, it felt……amazing. Was this happiness? Is this what I have been waiting for my whole life? It was sheer bliss…like nothing I have ever felt before!

Hiei took it the wrong way. His eyes lost their shine, and his face fell into a frown. He slowly pushed himself from the wooden bench. He stood up, his back to me. "Good bye Kurama……" he whispered, and slowly began to walk away.

I heard a light 'clink', and turned my attention to where he once stood. In his place was a black tear gem. I bent down and picked it up. I couldn't believe it……a tear gem. That meant

Hiei had cried. It was perfectly round, and was a silvery black color. It was beautiful, like no stone I have ever seen before.

Hiei had cried. He cried…because of me. Because I didn't respond to his confession.

'_Oh no!'_ I was overcome with horror. Hiei had taken my speechlessness the wrong way! Because I didn't answer him, he thought that I was rejecting his love!

I looked up and saw that he was still in my sight. No! I cannot lose him! I……I can't let him go without letting him know how I feel! With out letting him know that I love him too.

"Hiei!" I yelled, and ran to him. I turned him around and took his hands in mine. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and landing on the ground as gems with a soft clink.

"Hiei……" with out warning, Hiei sank to his knees, bringing me with him. He started to sob, so I wrapped my arms around him. His chest was heaving as I held him against me and slowly rocked us back and forth. "Shhhh Hiei……it will be ok……" I also felt tears fall from my eyes, and land upon Hiei's raven head. We we're both crying, when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me, and returned my embrace. We stayed like that, until the sobs subsided. I pushed him forward gently, but still held his hands.

"Kurama……I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I-.."

"No Hiei, I'm sorry……for not telling you sooner………Hiei, I love you to."

Hiei's expression changed instantly. From sadness, to shock, to disbelief, to happiness………then Hiei did something I have never seen before.

He smiled.

He actually smiled. Not one of his smirks that he did so often, but a genuine smile. Hiei smiled at me……and suddenly I knew that all was right in this mixed up world, at that moment I _knew_ that Hiei and I would be together forever.

I closed my eyes, as did he, and our lips met. For the first time, Hiei and I kissed. He was hesitant at first, but than he became bolder and wrapped his arms tightly around me. His lips were as soft as a spring breeze, and so was his kiss. I wanted to stay like that forever, in is arms, enveloped in his sweet kiss……but he parted our lips.

"Kurama?" his eyes were hazy and his smile was crooked. "Please don't ever leave me…"

I smiled. "I'll never ever leave you, I love you so much Hiei, I want to be with you forever.."

He closed his eyes with a satisfied smile, and snuggled against my chest. I rested my chin atop his head, and sighed contentedly.

And as the sun rose in the still star filled sky, two people, demons rather, finally found something that we search for all are lives, Happiness.

* * *

_((Re-reads fic))_ Wow. How corny was that…oh well, I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! 

Thanks again for all the lovely encouraging reviews! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

-misery loves me


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